Satan Worshippers Are Scary
I’m tired of being harassed by my so called followers. They are seriously scary! I mean they ring me even when it’s late at night. Jesus doesn’t have to put up with this crap from his flock. Just the other day some idiot scaled the perimeter fencing into my home and ran into my bedroom with ice cream cones glued to his head. I nearly shit a brick, I thought he was going to kill me! Turns out he just wanted a hug and some reassurance as his dog had just died.
Take this guy as an example. Did Judas, Thomas or Matthew have multiple facial piercings and a terrifying scowl? Did they send God bloodied urine samples through the post? No, I don’t think so. When I’ve brought this up before people think I’m just being melodramatic but it genuinely terrifies me. I’m expecting to find one of them in bed with me at night biting my heels.
I’m thinking of converting to Christianity just to get rid of these ass-hats for good. I don’t care if people think I’m a sellout. I would rather have my sanity than multiple love-bites.