Sep
15
No-one knows the real reason why I was kicked in Heaven. Christians believe I was disobedient to God, which is partly the case but not in the way you’d expect. We had a massive argument in the beginning after I’d asked the creator to put the toilet seat down after taken a whizz. That seriously pissed him off. He told me I had 48 hours to get my crap together and to literally go to Hell. I was devastated. As much as God is a total bore I loved staring at the angels asses. Boy they were cute.
I tried sending him a letter in apology but I haven’t heard anything back. It’s typical of Him though! He’s always complaining and holding grudges against people. Now I know who Jesus takes it after. That poor Sod hadn’t much hope in life with a father like that. Contrary to what the Bible says, I quite liked Jesus. I admired his dress sense or lack thereof. He’d turn up at a gathering, unshaven and clearly hungover with his robes ripped to shreds. I tried talking to him a few times but he was pretty incoherent. He thought I was trying to tempt Him when in fact I was just offering him a cigarette.
I guess my smoking pissed God off as well. I’ve been trying to stop since the Beginning but it’s just so difficult! Saying that I only smoke 20 a day now, whereas it was closer to 200 before. That’s why Hell’s on fire at the minute, I left a cigarette unattended for a few hundred years causing an inferno. I just can’t be bothered putting it out either. It gives the place a cool vibe y’know?
I hope to go back to Heaven one day but I won’t give into God, not while he keeps the Republicans in government anyway. Anyway he owes me an apology now! He’s dragged my name through the dirt. If you mention Satan to anyone they are immediately repulsed! Can you imagine what that can do to your self esteem?
shit man the motherf***er really made my ass………and thats no!!!!!!!fu**in lie…………………….
that is all lies; the person who wrote this should be ashamed of himself that he used such language for his creator and saviour, he will never be forgiven. Satan will always burn in hell